You’re Not Supposed to Get It Right the First Time
Let’s just say it: life doesn’t come with a manual. Not one that actually works, anyway.
We might get advice. We might get expectations. We might get Instagram highlight reels. But most of us are out here learning as we go - trying our best, messing things up, figuring it out, and then trying again. And still, so many of us carry this quiet, heavy belief that we’re supposed to already know how to do everything well.
That we should already have the answers.
That we shouldn’t struggle with things like parenting or partnership or purpose.
That we should be able to make a big life decision without second-guessing ourselves or needing a cry on the bathroom floor.
But what if the truth is this: you were never supposed to get it right the first time.
You were meant to build the life you want through experience. Through trying. Through learning. Through asking for help. Through the not-so-pretty parts.
I think about all the times I’ve sat across from women who are holding it together on the outside and falling apart on the inside. High-achieving, high-functioning, wildly capable women who still feel like they’re failing because they’re not nailing every part of life on the first try.
One is a mom of three, crying because she yelled at her teenager again after promising herself she wouldn’t. Another is a VP who’s worked 60-hour weeks for months and suddenly realized she can’t remember the last time she laughed—really laughed. Another just got laid off and is paralyzed, not because she doesn’t have options, but because she’s afraid to make the wrong move.
They’re all asking some version of the same question: Why can’t I just figure this out?
And my response is this: Because you’re human. Because this is new. Because no one taught you how to do this. Because you’re in the middle - not the end.
We put so much pressure on ourselves to make every decision the right one, to get every conversation just right, to choose the perfect path, to be the best version of ourselves immediately - and it’s exhausting. It’s also impossible.
You’re allowed to stumble. You’re allowed to shift. You’re allowed to look back and think, “I would’ve done that differently.” That’s growth.
But grace has to walk alongside growth. You don’t get one without the other.
If something in your life feels shaky right now - if you’re in a season of starting over, or finally starting at all—take the smallest next step you can. Not the perfect one. Not the permanent one. Just the next one.
Maybe that means asking someone you trust for help instead of trying to prove you don’t need it.
Maybe it means journaling out the jumble in your head so it doesn’t sit there on repeat.
Maybe it’s making the phone call you’ve been avoiding. Or finally saying no to something that’s been draining you for too long. Or telling someone the truth, even if your voice shakes.
Maybe it means letting the version of yourself that always has it all together take a break - and letting the real, learning, messy, beautiful version of you lead for a while.
There’s no trophy for pretending it’s easy. But there is something deeply meaningful in showing up - imperfectly, inconsistently, honestly - and trying again.
That’s where resilience is born. Not from getting it right the first time, but from continuing to show up for yourself, even when you don’t.
So if you’re stuck, or scared, or just so deeply tired of trying to get it all right - let this be your reminder:
You don’t have to have it all figured out.
You don’t have to do it perfectly.
You just have to keep going.
And maybe give yourself the same grace you so easily give everyone else.
You’re not failing. You’re learning. You’re growing. You’re becoming.
And you’re doing it beautifully.
And if at any point you realize you don’t want to figure it all out alone, that’s okay too. Support exists. Investing in yourself - whether through therapy, coaching, or simply making space to be seen - isn’t indulgent. It’s wise. It’s strong. It’s yours to choose, whenever you’re ready.