When Your Athlete Is Doing Everything Right - But Nothing’s Working

There’s this moment many parents of athletes know too well: your kid is doing all the right things. They're going to practice. They’re watching film. They’re trying hard. But something’s… off.

They’re snapping more easily. Their motivation has tanked. They come home from training mentally fried and emotionally flat. They’re still performing - but just barely. Or they’re not, and they’re quietly panicking about it.

And of course, you do what any good parent would: you encourage them. You offer pep talks. You remind them of their goals, their strength, how much they’ve overcome. But the words don’t land. And inside, you’re wondering if something bigger is going on.

Here’s what might be happening: their stress isn’t just high - it’s hijacking them.

I recently came across an article about how stress impacts focus and productivity, and even though it was geared toward professionals, I couldn’t stop thinking about athletes. Because the symptoms? They’re nearly identical.

When we (or our kids) are under chronic stress, the brain shifts into survival mode. Executive functioning—the part that helps us make decisions, plan, stay regulated - takes a back seat. The nervous system says, “We’re in danger,” and suddenly, focusing on a free throw, a pass, or even basic communication feels impossible.

This isn’t laziness. It’s a physiological response.

And while athletes are some of the best at pushing through, that mindset can backfire. When the internal alarms are constantly blaring, “just try harder” only ramps up the pressure. It’s like trying to focus while your brain is trying to escape a fire. No wonder they’re struggling.

So what can we do?

Here’s what I’ve found helpful - not as a coach, but as a therapist and a parent who’s walked this with many athletes.

First, they need space to reset their nervous system. That means stepping away from performance mode completely - even just for ten minutes. Nature is incredible for this. Send them outside. Let them shoot hoops without tracking makes. Walk the dog. Stretch in the sun. Don’t make it a thing. Just let them be a person, not a performer.

Second, move for the sake of movement - not stats. So much of sport is about output. Reps. Scores. Progress. But when the body is under stress, movement should feel like a release, not a test. Encourage them to do something physical that doesn’t “count.” Dance. Go for a slow jog without a watch. Kick a soccer ball just because. Movement moves stress through the body. It’s not optional - it’s the way out.

Third, and this is big: clear the clutter. Not just the gym bag or their bedroom floor (though that helps). I’m talking about the emotional and digital noise. Help them unplug for a while. Fewer group texts. Less YouTube on auto-play. Less pressure to be "on" 24/7. Their mind needs a break from consuming and comparing.

And finally? Let them rest. Really rest. Not with a screen. Not while feeling guilty for not training. Let them sleep in. Let them opt out. Let them remember that they’re allowed to just exist, even if they’re not improving at anything in that moment.

It’s hard. Especially when we see their potential. Especially when they’re chasing something big. But here’s the truth: a burned out athlete doesn’t perform better because they’re “mentally tough.” They perform better when they feel safe, supported, and human.

If they’re struggling with focus, if motivation is dropping, if the spark is gone - it’s not a lack of discipline. It might be stress in disguise.

And if that’s where your athlete is right now, you’re not failing as a parent. They’re not falling behind. This is part of the journey. Sometimes, the best thing we can do isn’t to push - it’s to pause. To remind them (and ourselves) that what matters most isn’t just how they perform, but how they feel inside their own skin.

That’s where real growth starts. And if it feels too big to navigate alone, support is out there. Quiet, grounded, steady support - for the athlete and the human beneath the jersey.

Because sometimes, focus doesn’t come from trying harder. It comes from remembering who you are underneath the pressure.